Feminism, Alpha Female, and Sexual Harassment #MeToo
Well, I supposed to study right now since tomorrow I will have quiz for my compulsory module. Yet I'm in front of my computer and writing this post. I don't know if this post might be inspiring for you or not. Or it is just another blah-blah post that you have to skip because I don't have any idea what to post actually. However, there's this thing that I want to share with you guys. Somehow, I should be ashamed of it, in fact I wrote this for you. So, please if you're reading this don't judge me as hard as you can because I'm a sinner.
Recently, I heard the word feminism a lot . According to Wikipedia, Feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies, and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve political, economic, personal, and social equality of sexes. This includes seeking to establish educational and professional opportunities for women that are equal to those for men. Oxford dictionaries define feminism as the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of equality of the sexes (kinda similar huh). To put it simply, feminism means that women and men are equal. The keyword is EQUAL everybody.
However in my society (especially my country), there are still lots of misogynist action towards women. What makes it worse is that my religion is accused as misogynist belief because of the wrong practice. Well, as far as I know my Prophet Muhammad has enough respect for women such as his wife Khadijah. And He didn't force his will upon his wife or any women out there, yet Muhammad gave the women opportunity to become better (being a successful business women and anything else), he also didn't prohibit women on his era to study or get educated. Meanwhile the misconception of this belief makes Muslim appear misogynistic.
For example, Muslim women can not engage relation with someone who's not her family. Actually they can but in a proper manner. Muslim women have to stay at home to avoid being sexually harassed, well I can't say it's true. Staying at home doesn't guarantee the women safety if the men them self can not control the urge to sexually harassed women. Muslim women have to wear hijab and do not have enough freedom to speak their mind. Well, hijab actually is the identity of Muslim women and it helps them to maintain their dignity. I don't mean that the women who don't wear veil do not have enough dignity in this matter. But, hijab is like the protector for Muslim women to stay calm and keep their behavior as polite as they can. Hijab is like reminder for Muslim women to act like a ladies or like how they suppose to be.
Contrary to the explanation I've mentioned above, the men (not all of them but most of them) in my country still thinks that women aren't capable enough. Capable in the scope of education, engineering, business, idea involvement, social structure, and etc. For some educated people, they might have different perspective towards this. Some educated men will respect women and give them enough chance to develop their career and ideas but some are not. Especially in rural areas that not all of men are educated enough to understand that men and women are equal. That women are not just an accessories if they got married. A wife, a mom, a daughter are capable of everything and yet these women don't understand how valuable they are. How valuable they are to not get oppressed by their abusive husband, how valuable they are to contribute to their community, and how valuable they are to love them self.
To be honest, I'm not a feminist. I admit that women still needs men in every aspect of their life (even if there are some women that can live without men). I admit that at some point, women lose to man in terms of strength and rational thinking. But I just can't stand it if men treat women like a goods especially for those who keep comparing a woman to bubble gum, lollipop, or even NASI PADANG. Damn! Nasi Padang for fuck sakes!
I saw this post several days ago, a man uploaded an insta story and the caption said that women is similar to Nasi Padang. No matter how covered they are, the taste is tempting. That is sick, indeed. Meeting such man makes me want to puke or else punch his face. It is not women fault to tempt you, especially for you who keep using excuse, "If only women are able to borrow men's eyes, they will realize how important it is to keep them self covered." Hell dude! Calm your dick.
I understand that it is normal for a men to experience such temptation when seeing a woman but that is not an excuse to sexually harass her or even making a comparison for a women (A HUMAN) with object (NASI PADANG, you name it). As long as I can recall, we are human. It means that we have control over our self so we won't do anything bad for others. Being a human means we have brain, we are smart enough not to be an uncontrolled animal. We have enough capability to stay conscious and not considering everything in a sexual way. It's not hard being polite and sane.
Speaking of sexual harassment, I actually experienced it a lot since I was a kid. Honestly, I keep this for my self for years and now I think it's better to share the stories to you. Since I know not lots of people will read this post. If you asked me whether I felt ashamed of telling this to you, yes I kinda embarrassed but here's the truth, I experienced sexual harassment and yet I'm strong. I didn't lose to the embarrassment, I didn't cover who I truly am, and I just want you to know that whoever experienced similar things to me or even worse are not alone. You are not alone. The world is evil, it is, but we can face it. We are strong enough to get over our hardships.
I don't know which one came first but I'll tell you my stories of being sexually harassed. I grew up in a small family, back then my parents were so busy working that I have to live with nannies (household assistant). Not all of them was good person but only few of them were bad. One of them did this harassment to me. She was kinda boyish, had dark skin, and I didn't realize that she (might be) a lesbian until she kissed me in my lips. Yes, I sleep with her and she kissed me. I refused but she forced me. I felt uncomfortable so I moved bed and didn't sleep with her anymore. I told my father back then that she kissed me but my father (who is too good to stranger) told me that it was just a form of affection. Imagine, an elementary school kid being kissed by her household assistant. I'm grateful that those kind of experience didn't affect my behavior development. By the time she lived in our house, finally my parents realized that there's something wrong with her. She even shaved her hair until she was bald. Since then, my parents fired her and I found my peace.
The second one, I didn't realize that it was sexual harassment until I grew up. There was this place that I usually bought voucher reload for my parents' mobile number. In Indonesia, they used to reload in a small counter and it was easy to find. The owner of the voucher reload stall is a religious teacher (or at least he came from a 'religious' family). One day, my dad asked me to buy the reload and I went to his place. I bought the electronic voucher and wait for it to be sent to my father's number. However, when I was waiting he stood behind me and started to rub his lower body to mine. As a kid, I had no clue what was that gesture. But surely, I felt something hard behind me. When I'm a grown up I realized that he was just rub his dick to my butt! Damn. I felt so dirty just thinking of it.
The third one happened when I was a high school student. This happened when I was on public transportation, going home from school. I used to sit at the corner of the public transportation and reading book back then. Then I suddenly felt someone touched my chest and even squished it. Not long, I realized then look at him with anger. Lots of anger until he pulled back his hand. I waited my time to do something to him. After he got caught up by me, he took off from the public transportation and I kicked his ass so hard. So hard because I was so angry and the woman sat in front of me surprised. After kicking him, I felt relieved. I don't think I need to explain what I did to him. At least, this time I stand up against sexual harassment. If I could, I would just kick him right in his dick so he can't reproduce.
The last one I experienced lately, I'm still not sure if it's sexual harassment or it was just my exaggerated thoughts. And this one my friend, was done by my friend (so sad) huh? There's this time when I went out with my friends (two of them are men). I suspect that the friend I knew first has something towards me meanwhile the other is not (but I like him tho). We hung out and walked into places until one day we visited this building where I can see clear sky view. I leaned onto the fences and thought of beautiful things. Once, I asked the friend that I like something but the other guy answered it. This is how it goes, the guy who answered my questions pushed me from my back until my body was pressed to the fence. And clearly heard him speaking behind me, so close. I can't tell what was the exact position but I felt that his body pushed mine. It was similar to my second case, it was quick so I didn't notice or even react enough against this-sexual-harassment-to-be. All I could think is ask for help to my other friend that I like, he stood beside me. I wanted to reach his hand, get a grip, and asked for help to tell the guy who pushed me to go away. BUT I CAN'T! I was so surprised that I can't scream or do anything. But it's real. Thankfully that didn't last long!
After I got home, I thought about it a lot. How come a girl like me, who usually stand up against injustice and sexual harassment got harassed yet she can not protect herself? How come a girl like me, who think that she's the alpha female can not refuse the harassment or even punish the person who did that to her?
To think about it again, I think I don't want to meet this friend anymore. Besides, he irritates me a lot so I don't think I have any reason to meet him again.
To think about it again, after I wrote such long post I just realized that I was sexually harassed a lot yet I didn't care enough about it until I experienced it again. Well, I'm the type of person that won't overthink upon unimportant things. If it's not important or affect my psychological condition then I'll just leave it. That is why I tend to appear like an Alpha Female, strong and independent. Even those sexual harassment don't break me 😅
On the top of them all, I feel so grateful that those incidents didn't cause any harm to myself (psychologically). Well, as far as I can recall I'm normal and don't have particular 'abnormal' fetish or something. I still have dreams and try to fulfill those all with efforts. I also have enough friends to support me even though I haven't told them these stories. I believe that my friend aren't the type who left me just because I got harassed so much 😊
And what is the connection between feminism, alpha female, and sexual harassment? From my experience, the harassment doesn't affect me and yet it makes me stronger. A strong woman who stands for her independence and courage to fight against sexual abuse. Those experience makes me understand that the people who did bad to other person needs to be educated and the victims needs to be protected. The victims needs lot of support so that they can continue their life without being traumatized. Hence, feminism should protect the equality and safety of women in every aspect of their life. Well, this part is a mess. I don't know what to write.
Anyway my friend, I hope the story will inspire you. Because actually there are people around you that has been sexually harassed consciously or unconsciously, be there for them and support them. You don't know they might need your help.