When Life Gives You Tangerine instead of Lemon

In the beginning of March, a new Slice of Life drama has became a buzz-worthy drama to talk about “When Life Gives You Tangerine”. The cast itself are huge from IU, Park Bo Gum, Moon Sori, and Park Hae Joon. The drama came to life under direction of the same director My Mister which was a drama that I appreciate a lot back in the days. Released on Netflix, it was divided into 4 volume with each 4 episodes per week. By the end of March, close to Eid celebration, the drama has reached its finale.

People around me and my twitter timeline keeps mentioning about this drama so I got exposed to its spoiler bit here and there but that doesn’t stop me from watching. I deliberately waiting until the end of March to binge-watch the drama. And I couldn’t stop crying from the first episode.

Why was it so relatable for me?

When Life Gives You Tangerine is not a just romance, it dive so deep into a genuine human relationship either with your other half or family. Set in Jeju around 1950s to the modern day, the drama actually highlight the main character Oh Aesun (young portrayal by IU, adult portrayal by Moon Sori), Aesun was just another kid from an Island who had a big dream. It’s just the circumstances were never on her side. She was kind of lucky enough to meet Yang Gwansik (young portrayal Park Bogum, adult portrayal Park Hae Joon). By having Gwansik by her side, everything still seems so bearable no matter how difficult life could be.

I think what made me cry since the first episode that the fact poverty really becomes the biggest challenge for one to achieve dreams. Aside poverty, having no on to rely on also becomes an obstacle. The fact that there are still a lot of people struggles and having a similar fate to Aesun made it so relatable. Probably it wasn’t me but it might happen to my Mom or somebody else’s Mom. Or anybody.

Aesun was a hot-headed kid, she has quite a temper but strong-willed supported by her strong sense of justice too. If Aesun was born in a bit well-off family, probably she can make it big. Too bad Aesun had to lose her parents in such a young age and lived under poverty. The world was never been on Aesun side, she only had Gwansik, her childhood friend who is devoted and loyal. If Gwansik had a superpower, he would be willingly to move mountain for Aesun. The friendship between the two later blooming into first love and continue to grow into an adult love. The relationship between Aesun and Gwansik was not always easy although Gwansik will certainly do anything to be with Aesun.

Here comes the second string, between Gwansik and Aesun stood their family issue. Despite both being poor, Aesun is unwanted. Gwansik’s family perceived Aesun as someone who must be avoided at all cost or else she will only bring harm to the family. But Gwansik proves that being a man means you prioritise the woman you choose over your family. And this what made me re-think about my whole life, about the household I live in.

If I were born from such family or having a Dad like Gwansik, probably my life would be different. Probably the way I perceived the world is different. Probably I won’t have to struggle by myself being self-aware, analysing, observing, and questioning things.

Gwansik maybe not a perfect man, he is poor and that’s a fact. But his devotion and loyalty to Aesun is like no other. There is one dialogue that I memorised very well, it was when Gwansik’s mother whined about who else gonna be on her side if Gwansik defended Aesun only. Gwansik said, “That’s Father’s job,” saying that to his father. And it snapped me to reality that he is right. Most Mom clings too much to their son because their spouse is absent, so they craved love and affection from someone else. It is aligned to the book I’ve read that the role of parents (and spouse) is not the children’s responsibility. So before you have a kid, just ensure that you got your affection needs is fulfilled by your spouse first. Parents role are being parents, not otherwise. Watching the dynamics on Gwansik’s family had made me reflecting, that’s what happened to my family.

Looking at how Mom loves my younger brother too much, probably she doesn’t really expect any affection back from my brother, but she did it because my father was never on my Mom’s side. So Mom is projecting to me, to my siblings. As well as my father. And this is why again, I cried because a man like Gwansik does exist somewhere else. They just not happen to be my father. I can only wish that kind of man is the person I needed in my life. A man that is willingly to move mountain for me, filling me with affection and love as much as I do to him, prioritise me, support me, and will defend me against the world. Because I will do the same.

It eventually results to the later part of this drama where the role somehow shifted to Aesun and Gwansik’s eldest daughter, Yang Geum Myeong (IU). Where Geum Myeong part kicked in that’s where I even cried a river. As an eldest daughter, I shared similarities with Geum Myeong however the biggest different between us is the way our parents raised us.

I really cried a lot wishing that I grew up receiving unconditional and limitless love like Geum Myeong. Probably that’s where I will thrive even better than I am today. I am grateful despite everything, I still stand stall and able to carry myself. I grew up well, that’s all I can say. So my parents are lucky enough to have me. But I can imagine how I can do even so much better if my parents fully support me just like Gwansik and Aesun did to Geum Myeong.

It’s not like I see Geum Myeong as someone who took her parents for granted. Somehow she did but at other times, she did not. Her attitude and traits were all the results of how Aesun and Gwansik raised her. And I even appreciated on how Geum Myeong didn’t settle for less because she had the perfect father figure. Of course she will prioritise herself too and her happiness. The dialogue from Geum Myeong that I remember is “Mother (in law) please don’t be too harsh on me, despite everything I am my parents’ precious daughter.” That’s when I cried a river because I don’t even know whether I am the precious daughter of my parents or not.

Geum Myeong has all the rights to say that because indeed Gwansik and Aesun gives all the world to Geum Myeong. She is their precious daughter. While me? At some point of my life, I even question my own worth through my parents’ eyes. What am I for them actually?

It comes back to how voluntarily Geum Myeong did things for her parents, things that my parents expected from me. Even at that time when Geum Myeong feels like she’s responsible for her parents difficult times, Geum Myeong still lashes her anger and said that she did anything to help her family out of guilt and somehow exhausted from the unspoken responsibility as an eldest daughter. That’s rich came from Geum Myeong who received unconditional love from her parents. While me?

When Life Gives You Tangerine is personal to me. It’s not about just how women keep struggling over the three generations of Aesun’s family but the family dynamics really represent half of my own family struggle. It even really personal on Geum Myeong character as a strong, responsible, and hard-working eldest daughter. Although Geum Myeong had it so much better than her Mom, Aesun. Geum Myeong had the opportunity to soar higher than her Mom.

Despite being so personal since the characters struggle and dynamics are so similar to the circumstances I am in, this drama also becomes a trigger for me. As I have said, I started to question my worth. I started to measure my parents’ affection. I even overthink about my existence, what if I don’t exist? I am not that important to the people around me, particularly my family. Because I am only worthy when I support them. I never received such an unconditional love all this time, honestly it hurts a lot.

And again, I wish I was born into a supportive parents and family. Poverty is one thing but being affectionate, devoted, loyal, and hard working is a thing we don’t know we will treasure the most despite poverty.