Early Year Recap

It's been a long time (again) since I last wrote in this blog. I planned to make a kaleidoscope as I used to do or make a new year resolution post. But I cancelled it all. First, 2020 flew like a lightning so I didn't get to make memories? And there's nothing I can tell you unless I lived my life to the fullest for the first quarter of the year then here we are, 2021. Then I would like to make a new year resolution, but when I think about it again I just need to do things I gotta do like former year: finishing unfinished resolution. So, here we are with early year recap post which mean nothing but a rant lol.

It's still early 2021 but I wanted to rant? lol Actually I also wanted to deliver some good news that maybe if I read this post later, I will be more grateful for the achievement or goals that I have set and done. Hopefully, fingers crossed.

First thing first, let's pour out the negativity on this paragraph then we move on to positive vibes. As usual, early year doesn't mean I enjoyed my current workplace more. The more I work in this place, the bigger the negativity that piled up in myself. November, December, January, until February at least should be the moment where I don't have much work to do. We have been working so hard every time from January last year and to be honest, I wanted to have more slow paced work by the end of the year. Hell no, there's nothing like that in my team. I don't know why, but the more I think about it, the more I hate my manager, my VP, my teammates. High demand, high expectation, dragging teammates, no appreciation. I feel like I became more stupid everyday here. I thought I can enjoy my job if I'm being patience or sincere, I have done both but well I don't enjoy working here at all. If there's any better place or better opportunity, I will gladly jump out and leave this place. My existence doesn't even helpful to the team. So good bye?

I just think anywhere might be better place than my current place of work.

Good thing is since I also joined a consulting Behavioural Science team, I feel so much difference in terms of working environment. Probably because I work with peer (somebody who is similar age with me or older but only 1-2 years and younger 1-3 years). Working with peer is actually more relaxing since we understand each other pace. Besides, most of them are pursuing overseas study so it makes things lot easier. When we're working with someone who understand how to work smart (not work hard), things are a lot more fun and easy! Believe me. 

Not just that, on my side part-timing job, the environment is supportive and encouraging. I was given a lot of opportunities to proof my skill. This is a big deal. I know the expect me to be better and give my best shot, but not in scrutinising way. Not in degrading way. They will correct me if I do a mistake in a way that I can understand and that makes me more motivated to do better. This job don't give me money yet, but I feel so much at ease and enjoy this. One, because it's related to the field that I'm studying and my interest. Two, the positive environment really gives you more ideas to be contributed.

So, I will get busy with more project from this side-hustling job. And I'll make sure, I'll give my best shot so I don't let down anyone who has given me opportunity. Fingers crossed.

Next one, to run away from stress and to keep myself sane, I have been distracting myself to upgrade. I am not upgrading myself for such skill that my bosses expected me. I upgraded myself in crafts, I want to level up my drumming skills, I learned how to play guitar, I tried to be consistent in sports and dieting. I haven't seen any change yet to my body. But believe me things that I'm upgrading outside of work really help me to control my anxiety and stress.

There are times that I just think I wanted to die because of work. However, when I think about it again, death due to the pressure of my workplace is not worthy. I can do something more worthy than just die in vain. Who knows that I might be established dancer in the future and leave my current workplace for that? Or probably that If I'm really good at drumming, I can make money from it?

The main thing that I focus on is to be better and better, to build a reputation so I can pursue PhD later on. Upgrading self that might be beneficial in the future. I might dislike the work environment I am currently in and rant a lot about it, but it's okay I can cope with it. If I can't hold it back anymore, I think that's the time when I have to leave for better opportunity.