Age is Just a Number

Dear Myself,

It's been a year since I last wrote you a letter. And we don't know since when we started doing this as an annual habit. But I'm not complaining. On one side, it's just feel nice to have a chance doing this monologue in this blog and saying things out loud from third person's perspective. How do you think? I guess you would say yes, because you agreed on this matter somehow.

Well, it's 2021. It's going on 2 years since the pandemic hit the world. You're still staying on your room all day. You can't get home though you have planned to do so since few months ago. I remember you wanted to spend your birthday at home. Just to avoid unwanted people bursting into your bubble lol. But you can't. It's okay, you can always go home next time and home doesn't feel really that comfortable anymore, right?

The first thing I would say to you is thank you. Thank you for surviving. Thank you for keep hanging on though things are difficult. Everyone felt the same because of this pandemic. But we can get pass through this someday, we don't know when. Just hang in there. This too shall pass. 

Age is just a number, don't you feel that? You might be 28 by this year. But that doesn't make you old. Look at the mirror, you still see yourself from 10 years ago or 5 years ago. You didn't see any wrinkles yet. You're still you. No matter how it would be 28, 30, 35?

I feel sad too when you started thinking to limit yourself because of your age. Like, you can't see anything promising for your future. To be honest, starting to give up and keep doubting yourself is something that I recommend you not to do anymore. Just please remember your spirit to pursue PhD. Things might seem difficult or even impossible, but you will still make it. Remember when you started doing your Master and you felt studying abroad seems impossible? Will PhD be more impossible than that? I can feel that in your mind, that your dreams and goals are slowly crumbling. You feel worthless and no longer ambitious as you used to be. That's fine, perhaps it's just a phase.

Let's try to focus on things we can control. For example, instead of worrying your unpredictable future, let's just focus on exploring things you are currently facing or developing your interest. It's good that you have vision, wanted to have your own home. But instead of thinking where do you want it to be or how much you need to save, just save. Let's think about home later. And let's just do whatever we can do to get a PhD.

I really hope that you are becoming the cheerful you and you who has so much interest to share. I miss your old confidence instead of just doubting yourself. Drowning in your dark thoughts and feel you are useless. Let's hang in there. We both know that we are valuable enough to live. Let's appreciate that. Let's be grateful for keep being alive and breathing on this pandemic. All you need to do is keep being positive. Though we just discovered probably being nice isn't the answer to this rotten world. Why do we keep being nice to other people when we're always getting misunderstood?

That's fine. If you keep being nice to other people and they don't appreciate you, it's their mistake not yours. So as long as you can keep being nice, keep it up. At least we don't do harm to other people. And we don't make them suffer because of us. Let's appreciate who loves us and not minding those who don't love us.

I hope you keep healthy, happy, and grateful for anything that exists in your timeline. Let's live for more years and catches our goals one by one.


  1. i was looking for photographs from HTTYD for my review and accidentally stumbled upon this post. oh no, this reminds me of something. i was supposed to make something like this every 5 years. the last one was due last year but i just forgot to make the updates... but now i think maybe i wasn't forget, i was just tired...


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