Welcome to the 30s Club!

Dear myself!

So today marks your last day of your twenties and now you're entering a new decade. Congratulations on that!

Anyway, although we've been 30s already. The only difference with your early twenties is that your body starts to crumble slowly. You got easily exhausted, more back-pain, and more muscle sore. You can't choose to attend festival section in the concert anymore, you'll prefer seated section. But that's okay. As long as your commitment to stay healthy and fix your sedentary lifestyle is keep on check.

What I have to say to you is you're so angry lately. There's just too much anger energy in yourself, you need to release it and become calmer. Try meditating, try to think back and trace back before you're enraged. Take a deep breath. Try to understand someone else's perspective. Moreover, try to back to your root. You've said that you're slowly healing right? But then why do you keep being angry over petty things? Just let it go, it's just how life turns to be.

Congratulations for being yourself and keep striving whatever you want to do in your life. It is really hard to understand that you only have yourself to lean on. It is indeed difficult to make things your own way, you know it very well that you cannot control everything. Just start to let go of that controlling behaviour. It is life, it's not always like what you have been idealising. Especially on your work, there are things you cannot control. All you can do is mitigating the possibilities. All you can do is just do your best. If you cannot do it, then that's okay. It's not just your burden. You don't work alone.

And be patient. Be patient for everything. Let us believe that things will be settled at the right moment. So if you haven't yet received any offer of PhD, that's okay too. Being desperate and hopeless about it is also okay. Just remember to constantly do your best and make time in preparing your PhD applications. Just keep trying without expecting any shortcuts or easy way. People will always fail, and you only fail several times. You might need to fail hundred or thousand or even millionth times.

Let's just be more forgiving and accepting. Where have you been going? What happened to forgive and accept things? You've been stray away from your God quite some time. Let's take a huge step to be closer again. Let's fix ourself within. Let's be more forgiving. It is okay to put boundaries and drawing lines, it is okay to remember what people had done to you. But let's just forgive them. Again, you knew it very well that everything happens for a reason. And everything will come around.

There are lots of homework for ourself to fix. There are lots of things that have pulled us into our worse shape this year. Let's not make it happen, let's be better. Improving, healing, fixing ourself. And now that you understand you're broken. Let's start with that. It is okay to be selfish. What's important is the future which lies before your eyes. You don't have any responsibilities of other people's action although sometimes you bear the consequences of their actions. Let's just start drawing boundaries on that. I know you can do better. I know that you are better than you did this year.

Since we still have time, please be a better human. Be a better person. And happy birthday!